Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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