I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
