our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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