Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
