just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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