I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I have aggressive nipples.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
