I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
