So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
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