doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
