My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
