Sry I called you an 8
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
too bad you live with your parents still
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Someone shattered a urinal.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
