we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
