People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
