im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
