dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
