TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
