Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
