I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
