tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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