Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
