Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
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