he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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