I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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