I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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