wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
