Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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