Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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