I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
