I accidentally burped into my bong.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
