Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
