fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
