So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
