I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
