I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
