Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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