i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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