areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
