My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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