you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
