I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
