I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Why can't burritos get me drunk
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
