i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
