She's JV to your varsity
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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