I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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