Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Randomize
