He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
