last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
