So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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