girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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