I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
there is puke in my bra ... again
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
