You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
