your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
