meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
this just has baby written all over it
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
