I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
