My underwear smells like fireworks.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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