He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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