I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
