True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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