Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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