Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
