worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize