We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You need Xanax blowdarts
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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