I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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