Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
he's gonorrhea incarnate
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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