I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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