Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
