i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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