apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
