this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
No more Irish car bombs ever.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
