genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
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The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
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and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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