well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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