Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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