Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
