Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
