Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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